Jake’s Quotes, Notes and Journal Excerpts



“Working’s for suckers”

            -Jake Epstein repeating often repeated phrase upon seeing workers at EMC

            take a lunchtime walk.  6/11/2003


“You have to go to see Tucker Max in Chicago.”

“Who’s that?”

“That’s the dirtbag I’m going to marry”


            -nonsensical conversation with Mandy 6/11/2003

“Do you know where Hawaiians go for vacations?”




“They like to gamble.”


     -Josh making conversation in traffic going in to Chicago 6/15/2003


“Yeah, hi Josh.  Larry wasn’t sure you were going to show up so we gave away your room.”


   -The strange response we received at the Big Sky Motel in Rapid City, SD

      after inquiring about the room we reserved.

Buffalo burgers make my stomach hurt”

        -Excerpt from journal 6/18/2003

“What do you want?”

“It’s Pee-Wee.  Let me in.”

“You got the wrong room, man.  Get out of here.”

“It’s Pee-Wee!”

“Get out of here!”

         -Josh talking to a kid named Pee-Wee who was rapping on our hotel room door

             at 3 am 6/19/2003.  I was barricading the window with chairs and frantically

             looking for my pepper spray.

“I hope that cowboy has his pilot’s license!”

                    -Rodeo announcer’s comment after a young man was violently thrown off of

                     a bull in to the air and landed on his back.


  Here is a close-up of my leg from the picture of me from Glacier that is on the main page.  That is bear grade pepper spray I’m carrying.

      This sign was everywhere:


“Can you shoot a bear under any circumstances?”

Tssss.  Protected species… and what-not.”

“What if they’re attacking you?”

(softly but proudly) “’Round here we practice the old ‘shoot, shovel and shut-up’”

                            -Making conversation with Doug the cowboy hat salesman at the  

                             “Corral Ranch Supply” store while buying a hat.

“Do you think Bigfoot exists?”


“How about the Yeti?”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah… but maybe the Yeti though?”

“What do you think the odds that the Yeti exists?”

“Five Percent.”

“What are the odds that Bigfoot exists?”

“Like… point five percent.”

                             -Josh making conversation with me after a long ride through California

                               on our way to San Francisco.  6/29/2003

“These guys had the whole ‘E Coli’ thing where a couple people died a few years ago.  But… they make a fine chicken sandwich.”

                          -Randy with a smile in line at Jack in the Box. 

                           Burlingame, California. 7/2/2003 about 3am.

Driving from the airport to San Francisco I felt like Maverick flying without Goose in Top Gun.  I hadn’t lost my rio [radar and intercept officer] to a freak jet wash/ejection seat accident in an F14.  He had just gone back to Massachusetts.

Talk to me, Josh.

                            -journal exerpt

“These are the skeaziest girls I’ve seen since I’ve been out of prison.”

                               -Scott at the Saddle Ranch Restaurant and Bar in Universal City.

                                About 11:30 PM, 7/3/2003

Here is a close up of part of the picture in my “calendar” on the main page.  This was the least crowded section of the beach and that was only because it was a rocky section of beach where people could bring their dogs.

Anyways, the crowds took some getting used to.  Apparently\a warm Saturday on a long weekend in Huntington Beach (AKA: Surf City) is a little different than a sub-zero Tuesday in February in Rye, New Hampshire.

Note to S.U.D.S. members: waist to head and pretty clean.


In L.A. I hung out mostly with Joey and Katy.  One of the most profound moments came when, while watching the 1992-1993 video yearbook, I realized Katy:
A) Has arrested the aging process.

B) Is an android.

As you can clearly see from the picture above she looks virtually the exact same as 10 years ago with the only possible exception of being more tan.

“Is this curiosity traffic?  This better not be curiosity traffic!  Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Actually, I was a suspect for a while”

                        -Jason cracks a joke while I steam over being in California traffic once

                          again 7/11/2003

“13 has a nasty dog leg… the front 9 isn’t bad but the back 9 is where they separate the men from the boys…hole 17 or 18 you’re hitting over the water off the tee and it can get pretty hairy.”

                        -Jason and I stayed at the Torrey Pines Hilton right on the golf course in La Jolla

                         right outside San Diego.  Jason has played this course extensively on Microsoft Golf

                         and was describing it to me poolside.

“Let’s get the hell out of this town.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you have a barf bag in your back seat?”

               -Jake, Aaron, Jason in order walking from the Paris Hotel to the

                  car to leave Las Vegas. 6/16/2003

“Man, before you know it vending machines will have tip jars next to them.”

                                 -Aaron venting our mutual disgust at tip jars everywhere including

                                 the icee booth we just bought an icee at in Sedona. 7/19/2003

“Ok, now there is something you don’t see a lot of in Texas.  Subarus.”

                               -John’s friend Peter making a comment after leaving “The Drink” in

                                 Austin, Texas. 7/23/2003

“Drinking Red Bull is like burying yourself in the Pet Cemetery.  Sure you’re awake but you feel just plain evil.”

                              -Me swearing off the Red Bull energy drink for the 50th time 7/24/2003

Mike enjoying his beach shower way too much

Mike surprised to see me snapping a photo.



I needed a stop over between D.C. and Boston.  Aaron’s place in New Jersey was the logical choice.  This is how I found Aaron when I showed up.

Notice: sleep mask, airsoft BB pistol and highlighted script (for “Synergy”).


Aerosmith is Boston’s low rent version of the Rolling Stones.”

                                            -Aaron 7/31/2003